Here’s to the Future.

5weeks

I can’t stop thinking about the future and what’s to come – our little bundle of joy! Even though I’m a mere five weeks, I’m ecstatic and hopeful. I’ve known for years that, in life, I was meant to be a mother. I have maternal instincts and I’ve always wanted a life to form inside of me. A child changes life, plans, and everything else in between. But, that’s the magic of childhood. It’s crazy, messy, and worth it. I’m looking forward to experiencing my pregnancy so I will most definitely be documenting it. Symptoms, pictures, anxieties, and all the rough stuff in between. I’m ready to start loving this little one.

As of today, I’m:

  • Fatigued
  • Crampy
  • Bloated
  • Sore (in the nipple area!)
  • Achy

As for my tummy, that’s just me naturally (along with some bloatage). A bump doesn’t usually show until 12-16 weeks for a woman who’s never been pregnant before. So, that won’t be happening until around July! I can’t wait!

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5 weeks. ♡

So, it’s still extremely early in the first trimester, but I’m officially 5 weeks pregnant with a little one! Babe and I are super excited for this amazing bundle of joy – thanks to our donor and at home artificial insemination! I can honestly say that I didn’t think it would happen right on the first try.. but three at home tests and a doctor’s visit later, here we are.

I don’t even think it has sunk in yet, even though I’ve been tracking my cycle and have missed my period. I’ve had quite a few symptoms like fatigue, sore nipples, cramping, and frequently having to pee. As of right now, I’ve only had a couple of random nauseous moments but nothing more! (Fingers crossed that it stays that way, ahah.)

With this happening so quickly, it means we have to figure quite a few things out. Right now, the wifey is the only provider for her, me, her brother, and our little furbabies. Annnnd we only have a one bedroom apartment right now.

We’ve been thinking about the future and what we need to do now to get there. Some hard decisions are being considered so hopefully we end up on the right path.

My first baby appointment is June 17th and I can’t wait! ♡

Life Continues On.

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So, I know it’s been quite some time since I’ve last posted. I’m terrible at keeping up with blogs, planners, journals, and all of that fluffy stuff. I just feel as though I don’t have anything exciting enough to blog about! However, that’ll change because I’m going to make a plan. I can be organized when I want to be – even if I procrastinate endlessly, ahah.

This plan involves posting more on this blog – but it’s more about me. I need to find myself. I need to find who I want to be, where I want to be, and what I want to do with myself. I’m going to figure this shit out, because it needs to be done. I’m now twenty-two, still trying for babies, and recently unemployed (by choice). This is my time where I can delve a bit deeper into my hopes and dreams (besides becoming a mother)!

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Despite the deep dark areas of my own mind and life, my household has been going through some changes!

For starters, the wifey has a new job! It’s not totally what she expected, but it’s something different for her and I’m so proud of how she’s pushing herself. I’m hoping this helps her figure out what she wants to do with her life, career-wise. We both really want babies and all she wants is to be able to support our family through everything. She’s looking forward to me being a stay-at-home mom and she’s the most supportive person I know. She was the one pushing for me to quit my job because of how unhappy it was making me. She doesn’t care about the financial issues that entails because she just wants me to find my happiness. And without her, I wouldn’t be able to have the ability to figure myself out. Thank you, sweetheart, for always being in my corner. ♥

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Secondly, last fall, we had the wifey’s brother move in with us. He’s currently in high school and looking for a part-time job. It’s been harder for alone time but it’s been nice to have someone else to include in our little family besides our kitties and our fish (plus, I can load all the extra chores on him)! Even though he’s a bottomless pit, it’s nice to have a brother around – especially where I grew up as an only child. Plus side of marrying a woman with three brothers and one sister!

And lastly, our previous attempt at conceiving was unsuccessful. However, we only tried one month due to our donor not living in the same state as we do. So, this month, we try again. I’m trying not to dwell on the negatives, so let’s just focus on the positive. Fingers crossed!

 

A Severe Case of Baby Fever!

Our one year anniversary of being married is next month! And, with having been married and the extreme desire to start our own family, we’ve been on a long roller coast of baby fever. For a little under a year, we’ve been searching for the perfect sperm donor. Someone who meets all of our qualifications and agreements – without the aid of a fertility clinic. As much as I respect a fertility clinic, the price gets pretty high. We also previously decided that it would be our last resort if we couldn’t find a donor on our own. Plus, a few more issues rose up. We’re in central Maine and the nearest fertility clinic happens to be in Boston, Massachusetts. And we’re quite wary of having frozen sperm shipped after reading quite a few articles of women receiving the wrong sperm through shipment. Uhhh, receiving the sperm of the wrong donor? Not on my to-do list!

But as soon as we decided to start our search, we hit a lot of dead ends. As most lesbian women know, a lot of men won’t donate unless they can participate, watch, or something else far more vile. As far as that goes, my wife and I are faithful and committed to only each other. I’m not sure why men are such pigs with their arrogant ego. I’m sure we can all agree that we’re tired of being asked to have a threesome with a lonely man. Get your rocks off on your own time, perv.

Despite all the negatives though, we have found a man with a heart. Someone who truly wishes to help us out and be there for us through this. Maybe there is faith in humanity after all! And with finding our lifetime sperm donor, we’re going to start the journey of trying to get pregnant. Wish us luck. ❤

Is this together or separate?

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An entire dinner can be spent holding hands, gazing into each other’s eyes, and saying lovey dovey things across the table. And at the end of the meal, the waiters/waitresses will ask “Is this together or separate?” 90% of the time we eat out. “Is this one check or two?” I’m not offended by this in any means!

However, none of our heterosexually coupled friends have ever been asked that when they’ve gone out to eat. It’s just odd that we can be having a romantic night together and still be misinterpreted as just best friends!

It’s nice they don’t assume – just in case we are just friends – but it would be nice for them to notice we’re married to each other considering we’re always holding hands. Just another day! 🙂

Being Stereotyped Sucks.

Stereotype

Every person has stereotyped another person by making judgments. Labels are thrown across society almost every second whether it’s in schools, online, businesses, or homes. Being in a homosexual relationship makes being stereotyped harder!

  1. You’re too pretty to be a lesbian.

  2. Who’s the man in the relationship?

  3. It’s just a phase. / You just want attention.

  4. You just need to find the right man.

  5. You must have a lot of cats.

  6. Do you scissor?

  7. But you have long hair.

  8. But you both look like girls.

  9. You don’t know what you want.

  10. You were traumatized in order for you to be into women.

These are all things that have been said to me and/or my wife throughout our young 21 years in life. And many, many more things. The first reaction people have when my wife and I tell them that we’re married is utter shock. How can two females who look like females be married?! That’s absurd! And the instant question that follows is who is the man in the relationship? For starters, we’re both women. We both want to be women. We both carry feminine and masculine traits according to trait standards. But to us, we’re both the wife in this marriage. Two wives, one family.

One day at work, a customer had just recently found out about my relationship with my wife. He confronted me about it when I came up to the counter by saying “so you’re with a girl?” First off, why does it matter to you? You’re a customer and it’s my personal life. I didn’t realize I had to inform you of all of my romantic details. Secondly, when I answered that “yes, I’m in love with her,” his reaction was inappropriate. “But you’re too pretty to be a lesbian.” Excuse me? I’m sorry for being pretty and for loving a woman? Not. Not sorry. And just after that, he even managed to say that “it really sucks for all the guys in the world.”  No, it doesn’t. I don’t give a damn about the guys in this world. As one woman, I’d rather be happy with the woman I love than push myself into relationships with men based on this guy’s opinion. Men feel so entitled when they find out a woman is a lesbian. I’m not saying I’m against men (just like the stereotypes would have you believe), I’m just saying that the usual reaction is unpleasant for a woman ‘coming out’ to them.

I could rant for hours on how society labels and tries to define us based on our orientations, looks, jobs, and everything else in between. However, that would be completely futile. As a woman with another woman, we will always be stereotyped, we will always be labelled. And with that, all we can do is correct them and move on. Let’s be stereotyped together!

Life as a Lesbian.

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It’s totally a given that life as a lesbian has its extreme ups & downs. Even if you don’t define yourself as a “lesbian,” “bisexual,” or “homosexual,” you will automatically gain the title if you marry a woman. I’ve come to accept the term of lesbian when I married my wife last year, because that’s what society has come to call me. I’m not for it, I’m not against it. It simply is what it is. And life as one definitely has its own troubles all by itself. Just by holding my wife’s hand while we walk down the street, people are pegging us as “in love” and “a pair of dykes” (despite the obvious fact that we both maintain more of a lipstick lesbian exterior).

We’re extremely fortunate to reside in a state that has legalized gay marriage, because we all know that they’re not all on the equality train. It’s also helpful that we live in a decently accepting state, even though we do manage to capture the brunt of a lot of homophobic feedback. I can honestly say that since being married, we’ve seen more of the positive sides than the negative – thank goodness! But Life of Lady Lovers is going to be a place to share all of those good things and bad things that we have experienced and will experience. Plus, a little bit of other tidbits here and there. I’m trying to accomplish a place where I can be myself, find others who can learn to love themselves for being who they are, and to show that life as a lesbian can be successful and happy. (Not just for lesbians, either!) We’re open to all orientations and hope we can show everyone that a non-heterosexual lifestyle can prove that it does get better.